The Role Of A Leader

Written by Mark

Edited by Janis

Reward vs. Responsibility

Patrick Lencioni, in his book, The Motive, draws a sharp line between two types of leaders: reward-centred and responsibility-centred.

Reward-centred leaders treat leadership like a trophy earned after years of grinding. They happily accept the perks and status, and curate their calendars around the tasks they like. All the boring, messy, or uncomfortable parts of the job get delegated, because in their minds, leadership is the prize they earned.

Responsibility-centred leaders, though, know leadership is more like parenting: you sign up for sacrifice. They do the unglamorous work that no one else can, or wants to, do. They put their team’s success ahead of their own comfort. They choose the hard thing because that’s what the role demands.

Parenting as a Leadership Blueprint

Bill Campbell—the legendary coach behind Google, Apple, and Twitter—believed leaders should treat employees as if they were the leader’s own children. Not infantilizing them, but taking ownership for their growth, development, and the kind of people they become at work.

Ask yourself: if you had to choose between your success or your child’s, whose comes out on top?

Exactly. Parenting is the slow, steady pouring out of yourself so your children become something equal to—or, ideally, better than—you. Leadership works the same way. When a leader sacrifices for the team, the team learns to sacrifice for each other. That’s how cultures change. That’s how trust is built: one act of sacrifice at a time.

A Story of Leadership in Action

And that brings us to Hai and Lan.

In the 1999 Sundance-winning film Three Seasons, we meet Hai, a poor cyclo (bike taxi) driver, and Lan, a high-priced prostitute serving wealthy clients in hotels she can’t afford to sleep in.

Hai quietly goes out of his way to show her kindness—waiting late at night to drive her home after work. Lan, stuck in survival mode, believes she must endure this life until she can buy her way out.

Then everything shifts. Hai wins a cyclo race, rents a luxury hotel room, and hires Lan for a night. But instead of engaging her services, he asks her to wash off her makeup, hands her a nightgown he bought as a gift, and tells her to sleep. He keeps watch over her with the tenderness someone might show a newborn—protective, expectant, believing in her dignity even when she can’t.

He leaves before dawn, and she wakes up completely changed.

Hai’s selflessness didn’t rescue her—it revealed to Lan her own worth. And suddenly, the life she thought she had to endure, was no longer acceptable. 

That’s leadership: calling people up, not pushing them around.

What Leaders Unlock

A true leader doesn’t just manage tasks—they elevate people. They bring out potential that’s been buried. They help others see what they couldn’t see on their own.

If leaders committed to their teams with this kind of parent-level responsibility, imagine what could be unlocked. Imagine how much more your team is capable of—right now—if someone simply believed in them deeply enough to lead with sacrifice, not entitlement.

Your team may have far more in them than you’re currently seeing. But they need a leader who treats influence as a responsibility—not a reward.